I write my songs for me

But if you take the time then you’ll see

For whom every song is meant to be…

-

You’ve been on my mind all day

And I could swear I never even crossed yours

Even if I do it in vain, I have to play this game.

If I ever want to hear those words I need you to say.

-

I have to treat you unkindly…

But baby you gotta know, that’s not how I want to be.

It’s just

I have to play my role, cause it’s my heart you stole…

And if I ever want it whole…

I have to hurt you -  to protect my soul.

-

I’m scared…

I’m scared she’ll go…

I know she’ll say no…

I lay my hand upon her face

And I hope when it’s all over I’ll be able to forget this taste

And I wish I could say I lied

Still every word I told her will stay true…

…I’m singing this song for you.

gaws:

“And people are often unable to do anything, imprisoned as they are in I don’t know what kind of terrible, terrible, oh such terrible cage. […] Do you know what makes the prison disappear? Every deep, genuine affection. Being friends, being brothers, loving, that is what opens the prison, with supreme power, by some magic force. Without these one stays dead. But whenever affection is revived, there life revives.”

—

Vincent Van Gogh in a letter to his brother Theo (July 1880)

Funny thing is, I just wrote lyrics that kinda relate to what Van Gogh said, without ever reading this quote before.

I’ve scribed everything there is to write.

We’ve spoken everything there is to say.

I guess it’s time for me to stray…

Because you don’t deserve for me to stay

-

You thought of love as just a game.

I was just a toy you used to play.

-

You disguise your feelings

You fight all through the night

Trying to deny, with all your might, what is in your sight.

You know it’s right, but (k)now I left…

-

You thought of love as just a game.

I was just a toy you used to play.

-

Love, you want to be my dear friend.

But my value lies in my concealment.

Love, I thought you were heaven sent.

(It’s a shame we have to play pretend, and hurtin you was never what I meant)

But your meaning is in your absence.

There are things I don’t know and

Things I won’t understand.

Things I do wrong and

Things I don’t do right.

I’ll never know everything, so I might need a hand.

-

I feel like Alice and

You’re my wonderland.

Time with you runs like sand

Through my fingers and I can’t grasp it.

-

I don’t know what ya thinkin.

Still don’t know what ya feelin.

But when my heart is restless and my mind it wanders.

I close my eyes and hope for wonders.

-

I’m a mystery and you can’t solve it.

Make you toss and turn. You lost and learned.

Pretending we don’t care. But it’s too much to bear.

-

You don’t know what I’m thinkin.

Still don’t know how I’m feelin.

But when your heart is restless and your mind it wanders.

You close your eyes and just hope for wonders.

-

Our last goodbye was a short one.

No time to talk, no time for hugs.

Just a smile and a wave to end us.

-

You’re scarred and scared by the past. Afraid it won’t last.

You think it’s a dream,a fairytale, a bubble to bust.

What you see is true.

This time your soul leads you to the one you can trust.

Things could be easy but you have to believe in us.

-

I don’t know what ya thinkin.

I do know what ya feelin.

So when your heart is restless and my mind it wanders.

I’ll hold you tight - No more need for wonders…

I couldn’t fight it anymore - I told her she has me.

It didn’t change her mind - she got up and left me.

Every time she stands in front of me it feels like she tests me.

I wanted to be with her. She wants to be my besty.

-

Cupid’s been gone.

He disappeared. Went missing.

I’m stuck here sitting.

And waiting for his comeback, so come back.

-

She doesn’t want me, she said.

So why does she act like I’m the best she ever had.

I’m done, not mad. But it seems she can’t forget.

Late night, Moon light, the mood is set…

/

I can’t help but to want to kiss her.

I can’t help but I have to have her.

I can’t help I want nobody but her

Cause I can’t help falling - I’m on my knees for you

Cause I can’t help, I’m in love with you.

-

I moved on. It’s true, She once had me

A lot has changed since the last time she met me.

Now it’s her who wants to kiss me.

It’s too late though…I told her there would come a time she’d miss me.

What should you do when your mind’s at war with your heart?

What should you do if your decisions they ain’t smart?

“Go with your heart, don’t listen to reason.”

It’s gone wrong. You messed up and we both know the reason!

-

It’s a tug-of-war. Can’t take no more. (Your heart is soar)

I said I wouldn’t dive in, but I already was head over heels.

-

Wishing it was easy isn’t realistic.

Just once I want it my way - simplistic.

I’m tired of the struggle, sick of the games.

Just want to be happy/free and escape these flames.

-

It’s a tug-of-war. Can’t take no more. (Your heart is soar)

I said I wouldn’t dive in, but I already was head over heels.

-

So this is my farewell to the game of two.

It has been quite a ride. I’m fine, alright.

Take care, goodbye and PLEASE stay out of my sight.

Maybe  then, I can finally sleep at night…

I made you feel bad. I thought it’s what I wanted.

But at night I can’t sleep. My thoughts are still haunted.

I believed I gave you what you deserved

I toyed with something I thought I had preserved.

I thought I wanted you, but I just lust after you.

-

It’s a bad man’s world,

a lucky man’s game.

Another man’s girl,

Crying in the rain.

-

I can’t help the way I’m feeling. *for you*

Won’t change the way I’m dealin. *with you*

How you got away with stealing. *my heart*

Now I need to be healing. *it’s hard*

-

It’s a bad man’s world,

a lucky man’s game.

Another man’s girl,

Crying in the rain.

-

Never played by their rules,

Always thought of them as fools.

Didn’t want to change my ways

Stayed true, but it never pays

This is a bittersweet farewell to my old ways

-

It’s a bad man’s world,

a lucky man’s game.

Another man’s girl,

Crying in the rain.

-

It’s funny…, because it’s you who made me do this.

It’s true…., I never wanted to go through this.

It’s a shame…., but you never knew it

That I’d actually love…, making you look stupid.

-

I didn’t mean to hurt you…but I could try

I still want ya… but that’s a lie.

If ya ask me, I won’t deny…

You do need me, but you shouldn’t rely.

Those days are gone now, bye bye bye.

I don’t need to write a song for you, to win you over.

You’re already mine, but I’m too scared. Don’t want it to be over.

Cause if I mess it up, there’s no way of starting over.

/

I wish every second we share, I could play it over.

Rewind it, replay it and relieve it over and over.

-

I look into her eyes and I know it.

I see her smile and I feel it.

When she doesn’t want to leave when the night is over…

When we’re sitting close and she lies her head on my shoulder..

The way she leans on me when we’re walking…

The way she looks at me when we’re  talking…

-

I’m tired of waiting,

Sick of the chasing.

I want to make you mine, but time isn’t on your side.

I could be your everything, your shining light.

But we’ll never know…Oh no, you won’t ever know.

-

I look into her eyes and I know it.

I see her smile and I feel it.

When she doesn’t want to leave when the night is over…

When we’re sitting close and she lies her head on my shoulder..

The way she leans on me when we’re walking…

The way she looks at me when we’re  talking…

-

Don’t mind what other people try. Don’t let love die.

Because you know this is what you want, and this is what you need.

But get it before it’s too late, or you’ll lose the love laced by fate.

So tell it to me straight…!

Or you’ll miss the spark that makes your heart beat.

-

You know you’d be better off with me.

You know I’m the man he cannot be.

You know when I’m around you can be how you want to be.

(You know you don’t ever want to leave me.)

I’d be there whenever you need me…

I can make you laugh and smile,

but that’s as far as I can go, because that’s as far as you’ll go.

-

I look into your eyes and I know it.

I see your smile and I feel it.

When you don’t want to leave when the night is over…

When we’re sitting close and you lie your head on my shoulder..

The way you lean on me when we’re walking…

The way you look at me when we’re  talking…

/

If we could only finally face the truth and confess what we feel.

We just might turn this thing to something that is real.

We could stop pretending and start something real.